Empty nest? I don't think that's a thing.

So let me tell you a little story about empty nesters.

Once upon a time in a far away place called Rexburg Idaho there was a young girl named Mattie. With her bags all packed she moved into her very first apartment away from home. Mattie knew of course that it would be hard for her parents to see her go, especially because she is the youngest and sweetest of 7 children. Her parents helped her move all her things into the apartment with tear stained eyes. After their long journey home they later called Mattie and told her they love her, and they miss her so much they can't leave her bedroom door open without starting to cry.

Fast-forward now 2 weeks into the future. Mattie's parents haven't called for a while, have they forgotten her? No, they're home, planning a cruise to somewhere exotic. They've found someone new to take Mattie's place, her name is vacation, their brand new daughter. They don't have to keep Mattie's door closed anymore. That phase quickly passed and their nest is empty no longer.Vacation and them have a grand time without forgotten Mattie. Now, I don't blame them, I really don't. But due to this story I no longer believe that having an empty nest is such a bad thing.

(This is based on a true story)

Parenting styles

There are 3 major types of parenting styles

1. Permissive: Gives the child too many choices, laid back, and unrealistic expectations. The child often thinks, "Do they even care?"
2. Authoritarian/autocratic: Gives the child no other choice. "Because I said so." the child often rebels because they figure out the parent is just giving empty threats. 
3. Authoritative/Active: Gives the child the right amount of choices. Parents are reliable and realistic. They set ground rules and enforce them with love and respect. 

What kind of parenting styles is the video below and example of? Which type of parenting style did your parents use? Which style do you plan on using with your children? (Yes, it is authoritarian!) 

Family & finances

Show your children the importance of paying tithing. Paying tithing when you're young teaches:

• Financial planning
• Selflessness
• Impulse control
• Commitment
• Family unity in sacrifice
• Putting God first.

It is such a blessing to teach children the importance of tithing at a young age, they can carry this knowledge with them for the rest of their lives for further blessings. Tithing can almost be considered "spiritual insurance."

Malachi 3:8-11

 8 ¶^aWill a man ^brob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In ^ctithes and offerings.

 9 Ye are ^acursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.

 10 Bring ye all the ^atithes into the storehouse, that there may be^bmeat in mine house, and ^cprove me now herewith, saith the Lordof hosts, if I will not ^dopen you the ^ewindows of heaven, and pour you out a ^fblessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

 11 And I will ^arebuke the ^bdevourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the Lord of hosts.

 The Lord is ultimately teaching us how to be more like Him. He has given ultimately given us everything. Paying tithing isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but that is all He asks. Can't we do that for Him?

Communication

This generation is suffering due to texting. N07 0NlY d035 I7 H@rM C0MmuNic@7I0n 5kill$, 8u7 gr@Mm@r I5 0U7 7h3 wIND0w @$ W3ll!

Communication is:

14% Words

35% Tone

51% Non-verbal

Non-verbal is the biggest part of communication. With all this new technology and fast-paced world this generation is struggling to pick up all the non-verbal ques. Families need to be able to effectively communicate. 

What are the communication rules in your family? (You know when you get "the look" you're going to get it!)

HELP!

Dealing with crisis

Everyone has gone through a crisis. It doesn't really matter what the crisis is, all that matters is how you respond to it. 

There are a few ways of thinking about crisis:

• That stunk!
• We manage
• It's ok now
• We're better
• Thank you

In class we were asked to make a list of 10 crises or trials and label them with how we feel about them now. I know I had a few that I was definitely thankful for, but I also has some that just plain stunk! As the Thanksgiving holiday is approaching I want to shift my way of thinking and become more thankful for my trials and crises.

In order to know how to work together as a family during a crisis you have to know how daily.

This man decided long ago how he would respond to a crisis. He lived his daily life in such a way that when crisis stuck, he knew just what to do. I think we can all learn from this forgiving, humble and Christlike man.

How to prevent an affair

The scriptures are awesome. They can teach pure and simple truths so effectively!

1 Corinthians 7: 1-7

 1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: ^aIt isgood for a man not to touch a woman.
 2 Nevertheless, ^ato avoid ^bfornication, let every man have his own^cwife, and let every woman have her own husband.
 3 Let the ^ahusband render unto the ^bwife due ^cbenevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
 5 ^aDefraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that ^bSatan ^ctempt you not for your incontinency.
 6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his ^aproper ^bgift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

Paul addresses sexual misunderstandings. I think it is interesting that way back in Bible times the people were struggling with sexual sins; and still today, our society is struggling with the very same things.

Maybe because I'm not married I wouldn't understand what is so tempting about having an affair, but in class we learned that it is easier than you think to have an affair, so be careful! No one gets married planning on having an affair or failed marriage. Protect yourself and remember: "don't talk about marriage problems with anyone but your spouse."

The Proposal

Does the proposal matter? 

You bet your hiney it does. 

• The proposal sets a tone for the entire marriage
• The proposal the the beginning of forming family roles
• Shows leadership. In my faith it shows that the man is honoring his priesthood leadership responsibilities

What's the significance of the proposal in your opinion?

An interesting fact that I had never heard before was that people who are on their way to divorce have 10 areas of significant incompatibility. In contrast the people who reported having a great and happy marriage have 10 areas of significant incompatibility as well. What is the difference? I have my own thoughts and you can have yours, but it is an interesting comparison, that's for sure. 

All you need is love

The four types of love:

Eros - Romantic love

Agape - Divine love

Philia - Friendship love

Storge - Familial love

Each type of love is necessary for a successful marriage. Ideally each type of love will be developed before a couple ties the knot, but don't fear if you and your significant other haven't quite mastered all four of them - there's still hope. You can work on getting there together! In too many circumstances couples are over-reliant on eros, or romantic love. Don't get me wrong the romantic side of things is very important, it is in some cases that's what gets the whole relationship the little kick on the pants it needs to get things going.

Women are more reliant on feelings whereas men aren't as much. Is this a good thing or a bad thing or does it even matter? I haven't fully decided. My guess is that it is a good and necessary thing, but can sometimes be difficult in a marriage. Women love to talk about feelings and feel unloved or unappreciated  when their spouse doesn't seem interested in talking with them. In reality men don't show love through words as much as women do. Typically men like to show their love through actions. The important thing is that each couple can figure out how the other says "I love you" whether it be with or without words. 

Brother Williams is awesome. In class he asked us if we could think of a song that portrays love. (Not the love in the media, but real honest to goodness love.) His example was Aquabats "Red Sweater" which coincidentally is one of my favorite songs! My favorite lyric from this song is: 

You're my girl

I'm your man

I don't care if we live in a garbage can

I'm your man

You're my gal

I'm so glad that we are pals

You can go ahead and interpret this song anyway you'd like but it definitely shows each side of love in such a fun adorable way. The song that I first thought of however was Fictionist's "Suffering Angel." This is just such a sweet and tender song talking about the love one member of the band has for his wife. My favorite lyric from this song is: 

I have nothing to give you but my love

As for this life I don't own it 

Was a gift from above

If I've ever seen a reflection of God

It was when you

Saved me from all the things I was

This is such a beautiful lyric, I just love it! So tell me, what song do you think portrays real honest to goodness love? 

More than a simple definition

During this week, I've really started to realize how much I love the church's view of the family. I mean, I've always known, but it's more obvious to me now. As I was reading about the family I was stuck on the definition that was given. 

"Family, is a group united by marriage or cohabitation, blood, and/or adoption in order to satisfy intimacy needs and rearing children always take place in a social context, however. Such factors as social class, race, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, and type of community (urban or rural) all have some bearing upon marriage and family life." -Robert & Jeanette Lauer

While this definition is valid and has some good points, I am even more grateful for the chance I have to understand the family in an eternal perspective. 

"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. " -The Family A Proclamation to the World

Families are meant to be together forever. I am thankful for my chance to have a forever family. Family is more than just "a group united by marriage or cohabitation". It is a chance to be with the ones we love most for eternity. 

We're all connected.

First of all, I'm really enjoying my family relations class! 

We've been talking about family systems. I found a picture online that does a great job of showing how everyone is connected; some are more closely than others. 

In class we were asked to draw an example of our personal family subset(s). As I started this task I had no idea how huge and complex it would get. For example; I'm connected to my parents, but I'm also connected with my siblings. I have a special connection with my sisters and a different kind of connection with my brothers, each of these being a different subset. I have a personal relationship with each of my siblings, so there is a subset as well. There can be literally hundreds of subsets in just our own family unit. 

There is a big difference between hypothesis, theory and law. If you don't know the difference between these three things, it might be time to take a refresher elementary course. We focused on different family theories - why we're motivated to help others and the reasons behind it.

1. Exchange Theory: the "you owe me one" mentality. 
2. Symbolic interaction theory: families communicate through words, gestures, rules and roles. 
3. Conflict theory: you are motivated by a continual feeling of conflict and trying to get away from it. 

Generally speaking, I think most families have a nice combination of each of these theories. I know my family is not motivated by one theory alone, and that's alright.

Researching is a dirty word

Let's get down to the nitty gritty; researching. 

We've been talking about good and bad research this week and I've learned a lot. 

Family dinner.

My family dinner!

I know this was just an example of research Bro. Williams thought about looking into, but it has really stuck with me. Personally, I think that family dinner is really important. My parents always made a special effort to have family dinner with me while I was growing up. I honestly believe that is part of the reason we are so close. Having family dinner is an excellent opportunity to sit down and talk about anything, everything or even nothing. Just spending time with each other is what's important. At least in my opinion. I'm no professional, but I know that family dinner has made a difference in my life. If you're wondering about the pros and cons of family dinner go ahead and do some solid research or you can do an experiment of your own and try it. 

Time for a commercial break!

I know this is kind of a cheesy video, but it shows the difference between good and bad research, which is really important. Take a little extra time make sure your information is valid. 

A little about me

Here's the thing. I'm not much of a blogger. In fact, I have a hard time understanding the need for blogs at all. Maybe posting for FAML160 (Family Relations) will make me a believer.

Here goes nothing.

Post #1. Let me introduce myself to you, my name is Mattie and I'm a student at BYU-Idaho. I'm completely in love with my school and I wouldn't trade my chance to be here for anything. For my family relations class, we've been asked to post our thoughts and insights on a blog and make it our online journal. All "blog biases" aside, I am excited for the opportunity to express my feelings and ideas. If all goes well, maybe I'll be a new convert of the blog world. 

I've got a big, loud and obnoxious family. It's wonderful. I wouldn't trade families with anyone, I don't care who you are. I'm excited to learn how to make my family even better (if that's even possible). My family and the gospel are by far the most important things in my life and I can't wait to learn about both simultaneously.